That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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