I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
