ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.