Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Non-Jews are for practice
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I believe in your delicious
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
