Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How's your threesome situation going?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.