woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
