and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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