Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
