the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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