happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
