exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
