Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
