yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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