Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
