Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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