Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
