Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
