that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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