would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
