So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
