i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
