As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
