meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
