When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
