It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
