Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
