my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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