Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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