PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
