YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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