I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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