My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize