I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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