either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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