I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
