i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
