He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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