So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
