I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
