How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
