haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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