life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
