Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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