You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
