I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Say something about gay babies.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
