my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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