2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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