take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just gargled with NyQuil
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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