I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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