I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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