You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
