I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
