Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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