I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
