Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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