Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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