I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
