no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
