So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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