So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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