I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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