he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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