I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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