Only a mothe r could love this liver
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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