matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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