Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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