You were right. It hurts to walk today.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
