Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
