I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need to calm my uterus...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
